I'm A Knitter (short story, humour) by Leanne Dyck

Knitters have a code. What if you break that code?

photo by Manon

I'm A Knitter

Really, I'm not a bad person. I don't mistreat small animals. I like kids. I just have this one small vice. Please don't judge me.

I have been knitting now for twenty years. You would think that I would be turning out wonderful tapestries of colour. I see the patterns. I admire the garments. Really, honestly, I do. They're just...well...and it pains me to confess this...um, well...they're just not what I want to knit. You see, I'm a "lazy knitter." It's hard for me to admit—but it's true.

After a hard day, I love nothing better than to kick back, grab my needles and some yarn, turn off my brain, and knit. That's why I knit scarves. I must have turned out twenty or thirty of these useful pieces of apparel. All necks are adorned by my stitches. My husband. Our kids. The milkman. Our dog.

I see the looks. I hear the whispers.

"She's not a knitter. She wastes her time knitting scar-ves."

I know me and my kind are not welcome in knitting groups.

They say, "You can't simply knit a scarf! You have to add cables, lace, colourwork, or..."

And I have tried. Really, honestly, I have.

Tricky knitting just isn't for me. It causes eyestrain. It damages my brain. I hate math!

I turn to knitting for solace. It's my means of escape. If I wanted to work on a hobby, I would take up gardening.

All I want is acceptance. All I want is to belong. Surely, that's not too much to ask. Surely, I'm not alone. Surely, there is someone out there who can understand. 

I'm a knitter... Aren't I?

photo by bdyck

Recently, my friend Manon and I went on another off-island adventure. This time we sailed to Salt Spring Island—a big sister island to my island home, Mayne Island.

For me, a highlight of that trip was visiting Artcraft Gallery and Shop.

AI Overview: "Artcraft is the longest-running juried fine art and handmade craft exhibition in British Columbia."

Visiting Mahon Hall (114 Rainbow Road) brought back vivid memories of delivering suitcases full of handknitting in early June. Each year my handknit baby sweaters sold like hotcakes.

On this tip, I was pleased to discover that an artisan has stepped up to fill the void my aching wrists forced me to leave.

photo by ldyck

Artcraft is open daily from 10:00 AM to 5:00 PM until September 20, 2026.

Whacked out Knitting (short story)

"I found this in the charity box. Don't you want it?" A middle-aged woman asked her teenage son. She held a sweater.

That thing she wants to know if I want that thing? Andy wondered. She needs to get her eyes checked. Why would anyone want that weird thing? The sleeves are too long, the body's too short, the turtleneck's too wide and the colour...I'll go blind. "That, ah, no, I don't want that."

"Do you remember who knit it for you?"

"Great Aunt Margaret," they said together.

Great Aunt Margaret had appeared on the scene mere weeks after dear old Dad flew the coop, Andy recalled. Appeared like a tornado appears on the prairies--you can see it coming, but there's nothing you can do about it. "She was a strange old bird."

"Andy!"

"Come on you can't deny she was a little off. That sweater is proof. And you--"

"Yes?"

"You made me wear it."

"It made her happy."

"Yeah, too happy."

"What do you mean?"

"I think she knit it like that on purpose," he said, with a twinkle in his eye.

They burst out laughing.