Thursday, March 14, 2013

Still Life with Cats (short story) (humour) by Leanne Dyck

There was a time I shared my home with three (loveable and well-loved) cats. Sometimes I miss them, but sometimes I.... Read this...

Still Life with Cats

I work from home, so some might think that I'm my own boss--but they'd be wrong. I'm just a servant. 

Let me tell you how I woke up this morning. There was a stampede right outside my bedroom door. 

This pounding of paws was accompanied by a siren, Merow, Meow, Merow, Meow.

A glance at my alarm clock and I roared, “It’s too early to wake up!”  

 But I’m merely a humble servant, four paws—two on my chest, two on my stomach—persuaded me to get up. I swung my legs off my bed and my big toe hit something furry. It was a mouse—headless, but otherwise intact.

Down the hall to get my garden gloves, back to my bedroom to collect my gift—the dead mouse—back down the hall to take it outside, all the while skirting my cats’ paws, tails, and heads. I swear sometimes it feels like they want to trip and kill their human. Maybe they dream of replacing me with a newer model—one that springs out of bed.    

The doorknob felt loose and heavy in my hand. I failed to note the significance of this, stepped out onto the porch, closed the door and the doorknob fell into my hand. Doorknob in one hand--dead mouse in the other.

"I can't use that door and the front door's locked," I muttered under my breath, as I took the mouse to the tall grass.


I keep a window open so my long tail masters can come and go as they please. They circled around me jumped inside and then they start to howl. And I knew what they were saying. 

"Come inside, you silly human. It's breakfast time."

I was pulling my left leg through the window when I saw my neighbour out of the corner of my eye.

"Good morning, Leanne," she said.

I answered, "Meow"--because at that point it seemed like the most appropriate thing to say. 

Revised on August 24, 2020