April Fool-ishness: a collection (humour) by Leanne Dyck

a collection of short stories and poems to make you laugh, giggle, chuckle, or grin. Silliness to lighten your day.

photo by ldyck

Authors in a Pub: was inspired by a Monty Python sketch

Island Artist: A humourous look at island life

In Icelandic: inspired by something my Icelandic-Canadian grandma saw on a bus

Still Life with Cats

The Lure of Yarn

Catch It

The Island Storyteller on Stage: celebrates my love of reading my writing to an audience

Irene's Reading: How NOT to act during writing group.

What's Wrong with Michelle?

Offered without apology to the pun lovers among us...

What's in a Name?

Sue was sick and tired of 

being used and abused.

She was going to sue.

Ever since Ted was a

little boy

he'd always slept

with a teddy.

Frank had just one 

character flaw.

He was much too

frank.

Will was very determined.

He was motivated by 

sheer will-power.

Pam didn't use butter

when she baked.

She used Pam.

Russel went for a walk in the woods,

But he stopped walking immediately

When he heard a rustle.

Graham was offered saltine crackers

But he chose Graham wafers.

Bob didn't know how to swim

So he bobbed in the water.

Leanne was never alone

Wherever Lee went

Anne was there as well.

What have I missed? Please, play with me...

Oh, yeah, and...

The List

I found the list

and checked it twice.

He'd judged me naughty

and not very nice.

So I burnt the list.

One last thought...

Holding his wife's hand in the delivery room, George Harrison sings, "Here comes our son, little darling. Here comes our son. And I say, he's okay. Son. Son. Here he comes."

Photo by Byron

Without a reader,

A writer's words mean

Nothing

photo by ldyck

April on this blog...

This month I indulge my--and hopefully your--love of fiction.

April 6

A Cat Called Sam (children's story)

One magical night, driven by a desire to be precisely like his human, Sam the cat becomes Sam the boy.

April 13

Sheep Choir (short story)

As a fledgling knitwear designer, I was blessed to have the support of kind people. This is a tribute to one of them.

April 20

Seashells (short story)

...about an "unexpected" gift

April 27

Finding Her (short story)

When you're lost, sometimes all you need is someone to follow.

My author journey...

Every sentence ends with a period.

Hamster (short memoir) by Leanne Dyck

I've always loved animals and they've all...most...many...some have loved me. This is a story about the other ones.

photo by ldyck

Hamster

Was it our second date? Or our third? We were heading for the movie theatre in the mall, but we were early. So we roamed from shop to shop. I spotted a pet shop and made a B-line straight for it. "I love animals." A glass box stood by the door. I looked inside at the chubby, fur-ball hamsters. "Oh, they're so cute."

"Be careful." Byron warrened.

"Don't worry. Animals love me."

"Don't touch them," Byron said firmly.

So I waited until his back was turned to shower love on the adorable creatures.

One of them stood up on his hind legs. Clearly, he was enjoying my attention. I gently stroked him and he... And he bit me. He. Bit. Me. "Ouch." I quickly pulled my hand away. My finger stung so I shook it--like that would help.

"What happened?"

"Nothing," I told Byron. "I'm fine." I lead him away from the shop. My finger began to throb. Blobs of crimson blood trickled down my palm. I didn't have a band-aide or even a tissue so I thrust my hand into the pocket of my white blazer.

Byron stared at me. "What's that?" He looked down at my pocket.

"What?" I'm not sure why I thought acting dumb would help.

"All that red--. Is that blood? Did one of those hamsters bite you?"

"No. No! Okay, yes."

"Well, now I must take you to a walk-in clinic."

"What? Why?"

"Because you could have rabies."

"Ra-bies?" I gulped.

"Yes, rabies. I told you not to touch them. When was the last time you had a tenuous shot?"

A needle. I can't... "I don't know." I feel lightheaded. Is that how you feel when you have rabies?

"And we're going to miss the movie. Why couldn't you just leave them alone?"

My vision was fuzzy and it was a little hard to walk. "I'm fine. I'm fine. We don't have to--."

"Yes, we do. Look at your pocket. You're still bleeding."

Byron silently led me back to his car. 

I eased into the bucket seat, but I didn't feel comfortable. "I won't really have to have a--."

"Yes, you will. And the needle is as long as my arm and as thick as my finger. Maybe next time you'll listen to me."

It didn't take him long to find a walk-in clinic. I followed him into the building. He spoke to the receptionist while I found a seat. I tried not to think about a sword-like needle embedded in my arm.

"Leanne Willetts," The receptionist called. "Doctor McDonald will see you now."

"Leanne. Leanne Willetts."

Finally, I woke from my nightmare to face a cold hard reality. As bravely as I could, I walked into Doctor McDonald's office. 

The white-haired Scottish gentleman greeted me with a wide smile. I think he noticed that I wasn't doing well because his expression quickly changed to one of concern. "Here, lass. Sit here." He offered me a padded chair. "What happened, lass?" His soothing voice helped to calm my nerves--a little.

I bite my lip and help out of my finger. "A hamster bit me and my boyfriend told me I need a tenuous shot."

"A hamster, you say?"

"Yes, he was so cute. I saw him at the pet shop."

"Pet shop, ah? Well, I don't think a needle will be necessary, dear." That sentence quickly transformed him from a simple doctor into my hero. He wrapped my finger and gently ushered me out the door.

Byron and I returned to the mall and didn't miss the movie; in fact, we arrived early. 

"Oh, look, the pet shop."

"What? Haven't you--."

written on Wednesday, January 29, 2025.

Photo by Byron

Without a reader,

a writer's words mean

Nothing

On this blog in March...

Sunday, March 30

April Fool(ishness) collection

a collection of silly writing to make you chuckle.

Sharing my author journey...