Because She Believed In Me (short story) (1 of 2) by Leanne Dyck

This creative non-fiction short story was published in the Island Writer Magazine:  the literary journal of Vancouver Island and the Gulf Islands in winter, 2009. Then in Kaleidoscope:  exploring the experience of disability though literature and the fine arts in winter, 2011 (re-named If Not For Her). I've also read it on local radio in 2010.

Because She Believed In Me

Here I sit in my grade two classroom, a fragile eight-year-old girl cowering in her desk, willing flesh, bone and tissue to dissolve into the steel of the seat. Please, don't call one me. Please, don't call on me. I'm shivering.
"Leanne, read the next passage," the teacher says, throwing me to the jackals.
My hands begin to shake. My forehead tightens.
"Oh, no, not her. We'll be here all day," sneers a fellow student.
I peer at the page, attempting to find sense in the swirl of words that confront me. The letters leap, spin and twist--refusing to be captured. I focus all my effort on one word, the first word. I wrestle with it, attempting to contain it.
The first letter is an "S", I tell myself. It makes the sound of a snake.
I smile contentedly. I have begun.
Next letter. I look at it.
That's a "P", I think.
I look again and in front of my eyes, the letter has undergone a magical transformation. It has become a "T".
Panic grips me.
This is taking way too long.
I feel eyes drilling holes in my flesh. A clock ticks loudly. The sweet aroma of the teacher's perfume engulfs my nostrils. Outside a bird calls. My senses are assaulted. I can't shut anything out. I can't focus.
I just want this to end. Please, please, I don't want to be here any more, I pray.
"S-sp-o-ot-t." I say feebly. Doubt in each syllable.
The class giggles. The jackals smell their prey. My face burns. My heart thunders between my ears.
"Sound it out, Leanne." Frustration, annoyance fills her voice. She is a young teacher, fresh out of university. The responsibility for the classroom weighs heavily on her shoulders.
I'm not a bad girl, I long to tell her. I want to be good. I want to do well. I want to make you happy. I'm trying. Really, honestly I am but...but...
I look down at the page. I can find no words, only tiny black marks on the white page. I find no meaning there. I am caught in a blizzard--I am blind to words.
"Stop," I blurt out, guessing.
I am cornered. The class howls with piercing celebratory laughter.
My inner voice screams. "You're dumb! You can't learn! You can't do anything! Everyone laughs at you! You are STU-PID!!
I try to ignore their laughter. I try to silence my self-debasing.
I am mustering up all my resources to continue my battle when the teacher cuts my progress short.
"Carla, please continue."
The class heaves a collective sigh of relief.
Pretty Carla sits straight and tall on her chair, her head held high. The book rests in her palms like a hymnal. She reads the words; they flow together like a song--the teacher smiles.
I am a big, awkward moose. Carla is a meadowlark. She sings sweetly and others listen. They don't laugh at her. She soars with words, I stumble and fall. She belongs. I don't. She is normal. I am a freak.

Becoming a YA author

My journey to becoming an author of a young adult novel began when I was born.

Don't panic. This isn't a novel--it's a blog. I'll get to the point. I was born dyslexic. Simply put, dyslexia means that my brain doesn't process information in the same way as a so-called "normal" brain. (To learn more about dyslexia, I highly recommend Ronald D. Davis' book The Gift of Dyslexia.) I spent too many years thinking the differences in my brain meant that it I was stupid.

My grandmother helped me see that perhaps I was capable of success. To honour her memory, I wrote the short story Because She Believed In Me. This story was first published in the Island Writer literary journal and I've also read it over the radio. Following this success, I decided to submit it to Kaleidoscope -- a magazine that champions the disabled. Renamed If Not for Her, my story appeared in this magazine in January, 2011.

Orca Publishing's prolific author, Robin Stevenson, gave me feedback regarding this story. She encouraged me to write more about my experiences as a dyslexic.

After many false starts and half finished stories I began to write about my time as a Katimavik volunteer. (Katimavik is a nine-month government-run national service youth program for participants 17 to 21 years of age.) For me, Katimavik was not only life-changing but also provided insight into the disabled in general and especially into my own disability. While in Katimavik, I wrote 'limitations on my accomplishments are only set by my inability to accept the fact that I can succeed.'

Thanks to my grandmother and others who have helped me along the way, I have been successful. I'm currently working on revising my young adult adventure. I can't wait to share this story with you.
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Next post:  The Sweater Curse on Youtube

Leanne Dyck's books by Laurie Kay (The Islands Independent)

This article (written by Laurie Kay) was on the front page of The Islands Independent (a newspaper that was distributed to most of the southern gulf islands) on Friday, February 11th (Issue #59)

Mayne author releases second book

Mayne Island's Leanne Dyck plans to store her knitting needles in the very near future as she embarks on her new career as a full time writer. Dyck has just released her second book, The Sweater Curse, described as a paranormal, contemporary thriller, about a young and aspiring knitwear designer who must re-examine her life to escape her potential destiny in hell. Dyck's first mystery, released in 2009 is an exercise in character analysis and intrigue set in the islands off the BC coast. Maynely A Mystery has a 'read to the end feel' that's particularly inviting to islanders who can relate to the unique lifestyle with a taste and thrill of the paranormal woven in.

Though released after Maynely A Mystery, Dyck had actually started writing the darker toned The Sweater Curse first. Along with tossing in a lure of the paranormal, the latter provides readers with another twist; it's an ebook.

Also known as digital books, ebooks are image-based productions readable on computers or other digital devices. Dyck says there are many benefits to being an ebook author including speed of publishing, and world wide readership.

During an online interview with The Islands Independent Dyck added that though Decadent Publishing has the right to publish The Sweater Curse as an ebook, she retains the right to publish her work traditionally, either through a separate publisher or as a self-publish endeavor. Authors are also paid a percentage of the sales for books on line.

Dyck says The Sweater Curse has allowed her to include her thriller within an already existing body of knitting-themed literature. Her recent ebook also lets her explore character in depth yet again, something that is emerging as a keynote element of her style. And like The Sweater Curse, now Maynely A Mystery is available as an ebook.

Dyck is definitely excited and confident about her new career that represents a bold step up in her own character development. She says she keeps daily business hours, a level of discipline not always easy for writers or islanders.