WARNING: This story contains adult content

Chapter Ten: In a one-bedroom apartment in Kitsilano, Jay led an austere lifestyle.

photo by ldyck

The Sweater Curse

Chapter Eleven

Alone in the apartment, I searched websites for my allusive next job. “Boring. Boring. Interesting, but I’m unqualified for it. Boring,” I sang as I searched. It was depressing.

“How’s the hunt?” Jay asked each evening.

“Not good,” I replied.

This continued for a few weeks until he reported, “We’re short a server. Kelly moved to a Southern Gulf Island. I can’t remember which one—maybe Salt Spring.”

“I’d love to—.”

“It’s long hours with little pay. You’re on your feet all day, every day.”

“You love it,” I said and that was that.

The café proved to the most enjoyable place I’d ever been employed. Everyone was reaching for a common goal, sharing a single passion. We embraced each other’s victories, however small. We celebrated gallery exhibits, book readings, grant awards—every move forward. Surrounded by creativity, I longed to stake my claim as an artist. I invested time, striving toward my goal. At the café, I kept a sketchpad and spent breaks recording design ideas. At home, I knit constantly. My fingers swelled, my wrists throbbed, and my shoulders ached, but I refused to abandon my needles.

“What are you knitting?” Jay asked as he massaged my back.

“A sweater,” I said.

I was always on the lookout for venues in which to sell my sweaters. A few streets down from the café was a high-end clothing boutique. It looked ideal. I walked in, and a salesperson hurried over to me. Was she eager to make a sale, or was she interested in keeping my kind out of her store?

“Hi. What a beautiful shop you have! I especially like your collection of sweaters. I’m a knitwear designer.”

“Really? Everyone’s a designer, a singer, or a writer these days.”

“I designed this.” I extended an arm so she could examine or perhaps touch my knitting. “And many others.”

“I only carry European designers.” Without giving my sweater a second look, she left me to straighten a display.

I had been dismissed.

I fantasized as I walked home. I saw my sweaters attractively displayed in a European boutique. We only carry North American designers. I imagined hearing a salesclerk tell an eager young designer.

Sweet daydreams, but that night, I tossed and turned.

“What’s the matter, darling?” Jay stroked my hair.

“Do you remember the boutique I thought might sell my sweaters? Well, I talked with them today.”

“How’d it go?”

“Not well. The salesperson was so rude. She didn’t even look at my sweater.”

“Her loss,” he said.

“No, it’s my loss. Don’t you understand? I don’t have any place to sell my sweaters. How can I call myself a designer if no one can even see my designs?”

“All you need is a wall. The Starving Artist has walls. You’re a hard working member of our collective. We’re here to support you. Use us.” He grinned and lifted me out of my funk.

Disappointingly, the café proved an unsuitable venue. I received positive comments, but only from other servers. I didn’t sell one sweater. Worse, my sweaters became so spattered with food I was forced to remove them.

“Who eats here?” I complained as Dora, a friend I’d made serving tables, and I took down the sweaters. “Baby pigs?”

“I know. It’s disgusting,” she agreed.

Other women who worked at the restaurant saw us removing my sweaters from the walls and came to help.

“Maybe they just didn’t notice them.” Brenda slipped a silk scarf from the wall and wrapped it around her neck.

“What about a fashion show?” Nikki, a dishwasher I hardly knew and barely tolerated, suggested.

“Yeah, we could all be models.” Ginger pulled on a hemp/wool vest in pumpkin that

complimented her auburn hair.

“I’d love to wear this beautiful sweater.” Dianna affectionately stroked a cashmere cowl-neck.

“It would be so much fun.” Brenda swirled around, dancing with the scarf.

“We could…” Nikki pawed a sweater—balling it in a tight fist, squeezing the fabric between her fingers. I wanted to scream at her to leave it alone, but for the sake of unity I bit my tongue.

“Where would the runway be?” I laid the sweater I’d removed from the wall on a table and closely examined it looking for food splatter.

“Between the tables,” Ginger pranced between the tables in best imitation of a fashion model.

"And just how are we going to keep grubby fingers off? You think these sweaters are dirty now."

“We could close the café for the fashion show.” Dianna rubbed a sleeve against her cheek.

“Close? They’d never let us close.” I used a damp dishcloth to wipe the sweater clean.

“Jay would. He’d do anything for you. He’s so cute,” Nikki cooed.

“It’s not up to Jay. He doesn’t own the café.” I gave up my attempts to clean that sweater and retrieved another from the wall.

“We all do.” Nikki stretched the neck of the sweater she held as she tore it off the hanger.

My face burned. I wanted to slap her so hard. “The artist collective owns the café,” I told her my words loaded with anger. “The decision to close the café must be made by our representatives by the artist collective advisory board. And they would never even consider closing.”

“I don’t see why not.” Dianna reluctantly laid the cowl-neck on a table, folded it neatly, placed it atop my pile and gave it a final pat.

“Why not? I’ll tell you why not, because customers would come in expecting to eat and get pissed off when we told them we weren’t serving food. Frustrated, they’d storm out. We’d lose them. They might be so upset they’d never come back.”

“Yeah, no food, only sweaters.” Nikki giggled. Giggled? What an airhead.

I glared at Nikki. I visualized taking a steak knife off one of the tables and—. “And besides, even though the café wouldn’t be making money that day, we’d still have to pay the overhead expenses.”

Tall, broad Joanna moved to stand between Nikki and me. “Oh, okay, so no fashion show. But, what about writing patterns? All knitters would enjoy making your sweaters.”

“You’d all buy my patterns?”

“Well, we would if we could knit,” Nikki giggled—again. If Joanna wasn’t here—. Nikki didn’t know how lucky she was that Joanna was here.

But… But was all of this really her fault? I took a deep breathe and breathed out slowly. Maybe I was being unfair. I mean after all I didn’t even really know her. “You don’t know how to knit, and I don’t know the first thing about writing a pattern.”

“Then find someone who does.” Had Joanna heard the defeat in my voice?

“How? Where?”

“Search words: knitwear designers,” Dora suggested, and none of us were surprised. She lived and breathed computers.

I followed her advice and found The Association of Canadian Knitwear Designers. I sent an email to their president, Patty Beacon.

Her reply was weighed down with resources. She suggested knitwear design books: Sweater Design in Plain English by Maggie Righetti, Designing Knitwear by Deborah Newton, and Donna Druchunas’s Ethnic Knitting series. She encouraged me to join knitting chat groups. “Join the knitwear designer chat group and Knitters Unite. By joining Knitters Unite,” she explained, “You’ll learn what knitters like to knit. What they’re currently knitting. What they plan to knit. You’ll learn who their favourite knitwear designers are and why. You’ll learn what they like and what they dislike about knitting patterns.” She concluded by encouraging me to frequent my local yarn shop or, as she called it, my LYS.

I got hooked on Knitters Unite, spending more and more of my time there. There were a lot of questions form new knitters.

“I’ve knitted my first project—a scarf. Now I want to try knitting a larger project, like a sweater, but I’m having trouble finding a pattern I like.”

“I won’t bother trying to knit a sweater,” another knitter replied. “All sweaters patterns are either dated, or the knitting instructions are too hard to follow. Save yourself the trouble and knit something else.”

“Yeah, I tried this one pattern. I didn’t understand a step and ended up with a tangled mess. It was so frustrating. I buried it in my stash and knit a hat instead,” someone else wrote.

That exchanged really bothered me. I couldn’t stop thinking about it for days. I enjoyed knitting sweaters. New knitters should be encouraged, not denied, this pleasure.

Our Kitsilano neighbourhood was home to a quaint yarn shop. I stopped at the shop every second or third Wednesday evening before returning home after my shift at the café. Occasionally, I bought something; other times I just dreamed as I gazed longingly at the luxurious yarn. The shop was owned and operated by Mrs. Padisak, a kindly older woman, who spoke with a slight eastern European accent. She was easy to talk to. Usually, few other knitters shopped when I did.

“You always buy yarn but never patterns. Why?” Mrs. Padisak asked.

“I write my own.”

“You are a knitwear designer?”

“Y-yeah,” I squeaked out. “Or at least that’s what I want to be.”

“You designed your sweater? It is lovely. You have others? Show me. No, no, don’t be shy.”

She continued to encourage me to share my patterns. And so I laboured over them. Test knitting, proofreading, printing multiple copies, organizing them in a binder. Finally, one Wednesday evening, I visited Mrs. Padisak, patterns in tow.

“You brought your patterns.” She rubbed her hands together, clearly excited.

I laid the binder on the counter.

She flipped through the patterns. “I like, I like, I like.” She purred contentedly. “These are lovely. You have talent. These are fashionable, unique.”

“Thank you.” Her words emboldened me. “Would you be interested in selling them in your store?”

She filled her store with a long pregnant pause. “Well, um…hmm.” She slowly flipped from one pattern to another. “I wonder. Yes…um…you leave these with me on consignment. Patterns are hard to sell.” She closed the binder. “The Internet is full of free patterns of all types—sweaters, hats, gloves, mittens, scarves. You search, you find everything. Knitters don’t buy what they can get for free. Some knitters buy one pattern, then share with their friends. It is the way it has always been. This sharing. Not patterns. Kits are better. You make kits? Yes? How much money do you have to invest in yarn?”

“How much do I need?”

“Five hundred dollars to open wholesale account.” The number rolled off her tongue, but stuck in my ear.

How would I get the money I needed? I thought of the people in my life who could easily supply it. Friends? I couldn’t ask them. It would put our relationship in a very uncomfortable position. Especially considering how they felt about artists. Family? Oh, yes, Mother and Grandpapa would just love me begging them for money. I would never.

“Could I buy the yarn I need from you?”

She looked puzzled. “You could, but I sell retail. It would be expensive, too expensive. Wholesale is better. You need sizes small through to large, possibly plus sizes. Four colours each. Study fashion trends. They will show you which colours.”

“I’d need a warehouse.”

“A knitwear designer needs money for yarn and for fibre festivals. You must attend. Knitters must get to know you. You must be professional. Join organizations, associations. If you don’t have money, best not to get involved. There is low return, many expenses. If you don’t have money, best to walk away.”

“But it’s my dream. I can’t abandon it.”

She patted my hand. “Oh, dorogoy, (my dear), don’t worry. I’ll take this binder and knitters will buy your patterns. Especially...if...they… Yes. A knitting group meets here every Thursday evening. You need to come and meet them. You know Mrs. Brown.”

“No, I don’t think...”

“Mrs. Brown is the guild president. She helps me in the store. She’s very nice. Helpful. I’ll tell her you’ll be there.”

Thursday evening, I went to the yarn shop to check out the knitting group. The shop lights were bright in that dark night. Looking into the shop was like watching actors on a stage. Elderly knitters examined yarn and exchanged patterns. The shop was a twirl of activity. I pushed the door open, and their chatter flooded my ears. I walked in, searching for Mrs. Padisak but she wasn’t there. The place fell silent, everyone stared, and then they began. “Another knitting novice,” commented one old lady with white hair and glasses. She was making something large with circular needles. “It’s so nice to see young ones take an interest in the craft,” agreed another. She too had white hair and glasses, but she was working with double-pointed needles.

I unzipped my backpack and pulled out yarn and knitting needles.

One of the white heads walked over and stood beside my chair. “Hello, dear. I’m Mrs. Brown. I’m a friend of Mrs. Padisak. I work with her here in the store. I’m the president of our knitting guild. Mrs. Padisak generously offers our group accommodations in her shop, but she doesn’t usually attend meetings. She’s planning on making an exception tonight—possibly because you’re here. I’m so glad you came. Let me introduce you. This is…” White hair, glasses, they were all the same. Name after name—who cares? “We’re a friendly group of old ladies. You could be our granddaughter. We’re delighted to pass on our knowledge to you. We all have such passion for this craft. You’ll see, you’ll love it, too. You will. It may be frustrating right now. But we promise it will get easier. We promise.”

She kept rambling on and on. When she took a breath, someone else jumped in. Their words were like bombs exploding all around me. “Here, use these needles. They’re longer.” Someone thrust a pair of needles at me, like two knives, sharp end facing me. “Do you know how to cast on, dear?” A white head tried to grabbed my needles out of my hand but I refused to relinquish them.

I used the Continental cast on to load stitches onto a needle.

“You’ll run out of yarn,” someone warned and showed me how to knit my stitches on.

I worked a row of knit stitches.

“What is she doing?” and “She’s using the German method of knitting.” and “Oh, no. She’ll twist her stitches.” and “You really should learn to throw your yarn, dear.” and “Yes, that is the only method all knitting books recommend.”

I reached the end of the row and began to purl.

“What is she doing now?”

“It looks so awkward.”

I slowed my progress so they could watch me more carefully. “This is called the Norwegian purl.”

“Someone taught you to knit like that?”

“Well, I’ve been knitting for over forty years, and that is not an acceptable way to knit,” Mrs. Brown declared.

No, I didn’t join that knitting group.

Sunday, January 4 at approximately 4:40 PM PT

The Sweater Curse

Chapter Twelve

The next time Dora and I worked together, I couldn’t wait to share my news. “I’ve named my business.”

photo by ldyck

2025 in review...

Month Manuscripts submitted Rejections

January 50 2

February 9 none received

March 19 none received

April 5 1

June 25 1

July 13 none received

December 47 1

-I sent 33 picture books, 3 short story collections, 3 memoirs and 2 novels.

-I look at rejection letters a lot differentely than I did way back when I began submitting manuscripts. I wrote this back then. Now I view them as proof that someone is actually reading my work.

January 7, 2025

An engaging piece of work and… However,… Oxford University Press USA

April 29, 2025

...there’s a lot of great imagery here that will inspire an illustrator when they get to the artwork. Unfortunately, however,… Random House Children’s Books

April 30, 2025

I enjoyed reading your story. It's entertaining and nicely fits the themes you outline above but, I'm afraid, doesn't fit our current publishing program. Annick Press Ltd.

December 15, 2025

While there is much to admire here, after careful consideration, we’ve decided to step aside and pass on your manuscript at this time. As you know, our picture book list is highly selective, and we must make choices based on the particular needs of our current program. Unfortunately, it isn’t the right fit for us right now, though we sincerely appreciate the chance to review it. Please know this decision is not a reflection of the value of your work and your voice. We’re grateful you thought of us!

Rodale Kids, Penguin Random House